ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
