Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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