how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
