Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
