Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Is Oprah even human
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
