NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
