Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
