I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
