Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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