Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Let's paint friendship bongs
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
