im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
