how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
