Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
