Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
