when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
