Your tits are I can't wait for
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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