drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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