does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
