just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
