I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
