i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
