i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
