What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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