yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
