A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I could fuck to npr.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
