i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
