I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
