listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
