The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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