Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
