): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize