alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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