just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
