Where is the hickey?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize