she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
