A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
