when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize