I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
