do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
