how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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