does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
