I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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