Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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