I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
