I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
