I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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