do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
