My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Another day, another engagement, another cat
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
