Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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