well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
