I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
