the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
