Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
