If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
