Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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