I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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