And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have feelings that need drinking.
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