is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I need to align my fucking chakras
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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