so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
