Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
