Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
