I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
