a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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