absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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