it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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