Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
