Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I am naked and annoyed.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
